It’s not between you and the recipient
When you practice generosity at first, it is about you and the recipient. How the recipient responds greatly affect your motivation to do more or less…in the beginning I stress. Everyone likes to be appreciated of course.
But as you progress, it is not so much about the recipient. It is about you and your ‘God’. It is between you and your ‘Buddha’ or your ‘karma’ or your sense of universal responsibility. How the recipient responds has very little to do with why you actually give as you progress on this wonderful path of generosity.
When I gave to the homeless in the past, I recieved many types of responses. Some thanked me and talked to me. Some wanted more. Some didn’t want food but money instead. Some stared at me that I would give them anything. Some screamed and ran away. Some just ran. So I had so many reactions. But you see, how they reacted is ok, I know my intent. I gave and it was between me and my Buddha. Buddha would want me to serve others and benefit others and that is all that matters in the big end.
Much good luck to you. Always be generous and kind no matter what responses you get back. It will change people’s lives in one way or another. It will change your life for the better.
The Precious Jewel Garland says:
“If that which helps is poison,
Then poison should be given.
But if even a delicacy will not help,
Then it should not be given.
As when one is bitten by a snake
Cutting the finger can be of benefit,
Buddha said that even if it makes one uncomfortable,
Helpful things should be done.”
Lord Gampopa in The Jewel Ornament of Liberation says:
“You should not give traps or the skills for hunting wild animals and so forth to those who ask—briefly, anything which can harm or cause suffering.”
In this days, in my world, I often meet people who spend their money for drinks. They have no food or clothes, but they find money for alcohol. Poor people ask me for money, how could I know that they don’t spend my money for alcohol, and they hurt themselves?
Thank you. Sometimes that helps me from the Lamrim: acts of generosity add towards the perfection of generosity, which (with the other five perfections) lead one to enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. Therefore whether the recipient of the gift appreciates the act or not it still benefits them if (as well as one’s self) if one is a Mahayana practitioner.
My dear Lama
Thank you so much for this wonderful post. I have been contemplating about this subject a lot for the past couple days. I have received many appeals, and it can be overwhelming sometimes. When you put it as simple as it’s between me and my karma, I think it relieves me from a lot of stressed and confusion
.
Much love
Valentina
If we only knew how badly we need the merits, the opportunity to be kind and generous itself is the reward. The way we are, and the way the world is…it makes us self grasping without even trying. So when an opportunity arises to be generous, its a trigger to remind us of our true nature.
Thank you Rinpoche for this post which gives much space for contemplation and reflection. Yes, in the beginning, we do feel the need for being appreciated for our ‘giving’ and ‘generosity’. Yet, we need to move beyond that, if we are to make any progress on the Path. The act should become more and more a selfless act and an act that arises from pure love and compassion for all beings, an act that sees non-duality between the giver and the recipient, and as is so beautifully said in the last chapter of Rinpoche’s book – Compassion Conquers All – the giver, the recipient and the act of giving become one. Thus do we tap into our Buddha nature and slowly but surely begin to realize Boddhicitta.
What we do is not between us and the recipients. It is about us and our “god” and in the case of Buddhists, our “god” here refers to our karma. Karma will “reward” and “punish” us according to the deeds that we have done, good or bad. In simplicity, good begets good and bad begets bad although karma is much much more complex than that. It’s all in our own hands.
Therefore, we should be kind, generous, forgiving, caring, loving etc to others anyways even if others are not towards us because at our death beds, only our karma really matters. Whether people are nice or not nice to us does not affect our karma but how we act or respond to them does.
Thank you so much Rinpoche for this great reminder to be always generous and kind and thank you for all the very inspiring responses.
Today I was on the streets of Dallas, Texas USA and 2 men looking dejected were on the roadside, I was low on money and instead asked them if they wanted a blessing. I gave them a blessing and one man kept thanking me, he seemed to like it better than money.
We are all of God’s kids or none of us are.
Dave
To the eyes of the people who look at the giver and the receiver. Majority would think it as compassion and kindness and generosity on the giver’s part and gratitude from some of the receiver. But when you look deeper and contemplate. The thought of giving if you are a religious person is not the motivation of giving to the person. But an action done to show your God or Buddha you are kind and generous. And if you are a Buddhist is to collect merits for the virtue that you do by giving with a generous heart. So give with a good motivation.
Thank you for that advice. I will be kind and generous to everyone regardless of the outcome. I should not care what the recipient thinks of me when I do something good. I should be kind anyways. It would be between me and Buddha as Buddha would want me to help others
Giving is said to be a state of the mind – the wish to give rather than the action to give. As our Rinpoche said, “Giving is between your god, or Buddha, or your karma or your sense of universal reponsibility.” Therefore, giving of any kind should not be done without the proper ‘motivation’ so as to instil the perfection of giving generously. It is said that whenever the reluctance to give arises, immediately think or contemplate on the effect of selfishless and attachments. But, do not give more than you can afford, so as not to create regrets which will erase the merit of giving. So like Rinpoche always do, “be generous and kind no matter what responses you get back. It will change people’s lives in one way or another. It will change your life for the better.” As in the golden words of our Lord Buddha – ” A GIFT SHOULD NOT BE MADE BY A NOBLE MAN WHO PURSUES A PURPOSE(WHEN GIVING) BUT, HE WHO MAKES A GIFT FREE FROM PURPOSE, HIS STOCK OF MERITS IS NOT EASY TO BE MEASURED.”