Kids watch parents…
Question asked by Claire S
Rinpoche, I have 3 teenage children who are really growing up way too fast. Children today are exposed to so much information through media, internet, etc. And I know that there is no stopping them, the more I stop them the more intrigue I create in their minds. I feel that starting them on a spiritual path now will instill good foundation in their minds to not go down the path of wrong views. What is the best way to start them in a way that will interest them? Please give me your kind advice. Thank you Rinpoche for your precious time.
Dear Claire S,
Good question. I agree with everything you say. From my experience among the many parents who are my students, many of their children are growing up to do dharma also. The reason is as they were growing up, they observe their parents genuinely doing dharma and transforming. The parents who really practice dharma and transform have tremendous impact on their children. It is beyond a doubt. There are always exceptions but I am saying for the majority.
I am sorry to say, but I also have parents who the children are very difficult and the funny thing is, the parents themselves are difficult people who find it hard to transform or do more in the dharma. Even the parents who do dharma, but have not really transformed, but their dharma is mechanical or at their convenience, it is very hard for them, because they are the ones with children who create problems for them…I am really telling you what I observe so many times over the years…. I noticed very clearly that our children REALLY WATCH WHAT WE DO AND SAY. They may not register everything at the moment, but as they mature, they will digest everything they have seen and put it to use… So if we want our children to become spiritual it is most important we start from ourselves and be excellent examples. From observation of many years, this is a very big key factor. I wish your children will grow up to be beneficial and very spiritual people..that is the best gift from parent to child. If they are spiritual and practice, then even after a parent’s death, they will be ok…and that is what every parent would want for their children to be ok. For them to be ok, the parent must practice dharma sincerely and show transformation….I wish you tremendous luck… Tsem Rinpoche
Please also read this I wrote up about kids and parents: http://blog.tsemtulku.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/me/we-are-our-parents.html
If my father had stopped doing water offerings years ago or if my parents had stopped bringing me to attend dharma talk or puja years ago, i would have been lost and perhaps embrace another religion or decided to practice no religion at all.
If my parents have not taken care of the altar well, cleaning them, make offerings, chant mantras and prayers, i could have forgotten about H.E. Tsem Tulku Rinpoche because the altar was set up by rinpoche’s monk and the kuan yin statue was handpicked by rinpoche many years back. My mum used to tell me rinpoohe loved the kuan yin statue very much but decided to let my parents to invite the statue back home. The kuan yin statue was different from the other statue because the skin is dark in colour and the kuan yin’s face is very serious with both eyes staring at you. One can’t help to feel guilty of doing something wrong when one looks at the kuan yin statue…
Thankfully I manage to learn the Dharma through Rinpoche teachings… but there’s not a day i don’t wish that if only my parents introduced me to Dharma when i was younger…
Both my parents are Buddhists for many years but our family did not fully practise Buddhism as we are quite a ‘modern family’. It is recently I discover my passion in understanding Buddhism and I’ve started to share this with my family again, especially my mum. She has now continue with her daily chantings,which she has stopped for a while. I guess in my case, my parents ‘introduced’ me to Buddhism and the learning continues when i refresh them by sharing my discovery from internet and books. Happy learning to all the parents…