The secrets to having a good relationship
There are ways we can have a good relationship with our spouse and partners. The methods are not hard. How ‘hard’ it is to implement is dependent on how much you really want this relationship. How much we want ANYTHING IS HOW HARD WE MAKE IT IN OUR MINDS. The reasons why you find it hard to implement changes in you in order to have a good relationship, could be due to these few things perhaps?
1. Subconsciously you don’t feel the relationship is worth it.
2. You are using the person, so they stay or leave you could care less. It is only for your personal advantage.
3. You didn’t even know your actions were affecting them in such a manner.
4. The person has hurt you so much, but you are afraid you won’t find someone else.
5. Low self-esteem overall.
6. You don’t want to be conscious of it because it is too much work.
7. You can find someone else easily you think.
9. You don’t care.
11. You want to punish them. Revenge.
12. You want to punish yourself.
13. You don’t deserve better.
14. You don’t want to be alone at all costs even at the cost of your happiness. Ironic as it sounds.
15. Wrong cultural beliefs about women. About men. About relationships.
16. You just wanted the spouse for the kids and the spouse doesn’t matter. Or you’re stuck because you had the kids.
17. You have this relationship because you simply can.
19. For money or lack of it.
20. Showing off.
21. Keep family quiet.
24. Unwilling to face facts and move on.
25. Spoilt. Things have been always easy for you so no one else matters except yourself. Sadly, in the end, you will need others.
26. Maybe none of the above and there are more reasons both valid and invalid.
27. For the passport or citizenship. Asylum.
28. You have nowhere to go.
29. Tradition. Face.
30. Medical condition. Mental or physical. (Get help because your partner and you are worth it.)
32. Combinations or variations of the above.
You have to check if it’s any of the 32 listed and figure out why. Deal with it. Face it. And do something positive with it. Most of all be honest, be open, be communicative and keep your promises always. Face the music, overcome it and be in a healthy situations with or without a relationship ultimately. You and your partner deserve it.
Whether relationships go right or not is from the onset. You have to ask yourself WHY DID YOU GET TOGETHER WITH THIS OTHER PERSON IN THE FIRST PLACE. If the motivation was purely self serving, then as time goes on, things will unravel for sure. Think carefully.
My feelings on how to have a good relationship
(If you don’t speak Chinese, fast forward the talk and then it’s in English)
I am NOT the expert by far, but some of my thoughts my help… Good luck in whatever you do. Never stay quiet. Never let things just run their course. Always take action and do something. Make things happen. That is the key.
What’s a Buddhist monk doing talking about relationships? Shouldn’t he teach detachment? Well, how much I teach detachment and non-attachment, you are still going to have relationships at the moment… so give some help for now… Simply, very few are so advanced to be unattached, so help people at all levels. I need dharma help at many levels… everyone is the same… Over the last 19 years I have been consulted hundreds of times by various groups/people in many countries on their private relationships, so I thought I share somethings here that I’ve learned from these encounters with hundreds of people..The funny thing is most of them say out the solutions themselves during their conversations with me…