I joined a cult…
When I first arrived in Gaden in 1987, I had very little money. I had no financial support. I needed only US$50 a month to buy basic needs, some foods and items. The monastery provides one bowl of rice and a large spoon of lentils once a day at the time and sometimes (1x or 2x a week) bread in the morning… Monastery was poor too many monks were poor… Many monks seeked sponsorship to supplement their studies.
I wrote to my step-parents in New Jersey to help. My father told me to give up the monk hood, return to USA, go to University, live a life he deemed would make me happy. My relatives didn’t reply much. Perhaps my parents asked them not to… If I did what my dad said, he would buy me a car and pay for University with my other needs. If I did not comply then do not write them nor my relatives begging for money or help again. He said I embarrass them in front of the relatives and community. He said I was fanatical. And earlier he said I joined a cult with cult leaders. He said he did not like what I was doing and I was going the wrong way. He wants me back. He and my mom loved me I know… but love is not doing what they want – no offense. I didn’t want to fight or argue, as how can being a monk or studying Dharma be wrong. I still wrote to him/mom on other things, but their letters became less. They disowned me… They said so. I was very hurt, but that was their choice… I struggled for years.
My weight dropped dramatically as I didn’t get much food anymore. Medical at times was a challenge also. I didn’t go for dentists or anything for nearly a decade. I am not complaining, but it was a huge struggle to pursue my Dharma goals… But I was determined to continue my Dharma no matter what. I didn’t want to ‘hurt’ my parents, but I understood, they didn’t understand what I was doing and I was not going to live their life as I know it would not be for me nor would I be happy. Finally one Buddhist nun in the US sent me US$50 a month a couple of years later… I bought rice, lentils, beans, oil, flour, vegetables, cooking pots, laundry soap, blankets, etc that I needed. My weight was better… She was a ray of hope and survival. I will never forget this nun’s kindness to me ( http://blog.tsemtulku.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/buddhas-dharma/interview-with-anila-thupten-chonyid.html and http://blog.tsemtulku.com/tsem-tulku-rinpoche/me/the-cowshed-that-was-my-home-in-gaden.html ).
My parents have passed away now and my relatives in the States say they are proud of me. But I am glad I didn’t give up. I would do it again if necessary. Nothing in this world will turn me from Dharma ever. Tsem Rinpoche
I didn’t renounce those who loved me…I just wanted to live in the Monastery and study Dharma/practice Dharma. My parents kinda of renounced me. I don’t blame them. I love them. I saw many parents even very poor would come to the monastery to visit their sons who were monks. During New Year’s and holidays, they would always visit their sons in Gaden. No one visited me. Heheh. Poor me. Tsem Rinpoche
Our parents are not perfect. They are just like you and me. They make mistakes and have their problems too. If our parents have ‘harmed’ us, we have to check carefully our mind to know it is usually not inentional. They love us. We must respect them no matter how they are. We may not agree with them, but they did give birth to us, clean, wash, feed, support and nurture us thousands of times. We have to remember that always. We have to do what we wish to do in life not to rebel against our parents, but to be who we are. In our minds, love, prayers, candles, offerings should always be done for our parents throughout our lives. For any reason they oppose our dharma practice, that is all the more reason we need to dedicate a part of our merits for them. Remember, we have the karma to take rebirth with our parents as well as they with us. Accept and make harmony and respect as much as possible. Do not confront them. But convince them with our transformations…results are best.. There always are exceptions of course. My thoughts in general. Tsem Rinpoche
Dear Matthew, I never thought of myself as an inspiration. But thank you all the same. I make prayers always that in my future lives, I will be stronger dharma practitioner from an early age and never get caught up in the ‘pleasures’ of this short life. My biggest fear is in my future lives I don’t meet dharma or much later in life. Really that is a big fear I have. So I try my best to create the causes for future lives to start dharma early always. Dharma is very strong in me since very young…like in Star Wars…the force is strong..heheheTR
It is really very brave and determined of you – Rinpoche – to pursue your life goals/dream so courageously. Not many people can do that. And you need to suffer so much financially, emotionally and physically.
Normal people would have given up, because we live in a world where following the mass is seemed as correct and how we should be. Doing something different calls for a lot of courage, determination and perseverance.
You have passed the time, now you are reaping the rewards, at the very least based on my very limited knowledge, you have a big team that follows you, you have followers come from many countries in this world, you have Kechara, a beautiful prayer halls and 14 departments.
It has not been easy, i know. Because our world praises the norm. As long as we follow the path, we will be alright.
The cruel thing is we dont have the supports of those who loved us in the past, who are supposed to be there for us. I read your pains when i saw you writting that you didnt have your family members who came visited you at the temple. Loneliness is a terrible feeling.
I am happy for what you have achieved today. What has happened to you in the past has become good lessons for you to teach others, very valuable. It is just like the story of J.K. Rowling.
I wish you long life, Rinpochee and hope that i can have this honour to meet you soon in person.
Thank you.
The word cult pejoratively refers to a group whose beliefs or practices are considered abnormal or bizarre. Is Buddhism a cult? If not, the caption of this article is deliberately meant to be procative and prompt us to think about the virtuous path that Rinpoche is taking…label it whatever one would like
Dear Karma, It was lonely at times. India and the monastery was so different than USA and what I was use to. I had to learn so much and adapt to so much. Many things I encountered that was ‘strange’ to me, I rejected, had a hard time with or complained about it…after a while you just accept because I was not there for anything but my spiritual practice. I studied, read the lives of holy masters (very helpful), contemplated on impermanence and after a while it becomes ok. It does really become ok after a while. I had the conviction to go all the way for my monkhood and that was/is very strong in me. I also promised Kyabje Zong Rinpoche I would go to Gaden and keeping that promise was/is very important to me. There’s no magic wand to wave away lonliness or sadness…it’s a human condition. It never really fully goes away till we leave samsara anyway…Thanks. TR
Rinpoche,
Just as our parents are so kind. Rinpoche I feel you are much kinder. You have endured so much for the sake of others. Really “others” ! Would Rinpoche have thought during that time that thousands of strangers in the distant future would reap the benefits from Rinpoche’s hardship. We rejoice in the dharma that we have received from Rinpoche. We must repay the kindness of our parents with transformation. We doubly need to repay the kindness of someone who teaches us the dharma with the results of our practice.
My dear Lama
I always admire you for doing what you want to do and not what other expected you to do. I learned from my own experiences that doing what you perceive others expect you to do only make you a mediocare individuals and wasting your time.
I definitely learn a lot from your experience. Thank you so much for sharing.
Much love and care
Valentina
I recall that Buddha himself also left his family to seek the truth, and ultimately, enlightenment. Not that he did not love his family and abandoned them as it may seem, but in doing so, he benefitted so many other countless beings (including his family). In the same way, Rinpoche took the step, gave up everything, left his family to become ordained and went through so much hardship in the process. Imagine if Rinpoche had not done so, I would not even be here nor would even have heard the dharma nor would there be Kechara, Kecharians, the blog and everything else. Thank you Rinpoche for all that you went through, for you saw past what most of us cannot, family, career, attachments in this immediate life.
Dear Rinpoche,
My parents have the same worry too.
However when i read this “as how can being a monk or studying Dharma be wrong”, i have the confidence to explain and convince them on what im doing now. There’s a long long way to go, hmm.
This post is going to be a very good reminder for those who do dharma work, to be persist.
Dearest Rinpoche:
Rinpoche since very young has already knew what you would like to accomplish. Unlike most of us, through all the findings and falls only we begin to know what life is all about, and just barely making it…
It has been a rough journey for most of us BUT nothing compares to you Rinpoche. Because Rinpoche is determined to live for others, and the others are infinite in numbers. The hardships and the pressure than the “norms” give are enormous I would assume. Not getting support from the closest can be rather disappointing too. But Rinpoche never give up.
Fast forward, look at what Rinpoche has accomplished and how many people have been touched by Rinpoche’s kind advice and teachings. If this “cult” do good for people then this cult should stay on.
Thankyou Rinpoche.
I am happy that Rinpoche is in a better ‘living’ conditions now as these conditions ‘helped’ Rinpoche in spreading the Dharma. All the obstacles that Rinpoche went through manifested in a complete positive way for Kechara Organisation.
I have obstacles from home but in time, it got better! I am glad and thankful to be apart of Kechara’s family now and always…
Thank you Rinpoche for all the obstacles that Rinpoche endured for the benefit of ‘monsters’ (haha) and perservered…
Thank you Rinpoche for sacrificing so much for the Dharma, it is so hard, when I was in the monastery I didn’t have money for feminine products even. It was really hard. My mother finally sent me some and I shared them with people. I am not as strong as you are, you are my hero.
To most Asian people, they do not understand and some refused to understand how joining a dharma center is a privilege. Some even criticize the lama and his methods even when there are results. I’ve heard from many friends and relative of mine when I first joined that I’ve joined a cult. When I think about it further, I can’t really blame them as they do not know otherwise. The only way to proved to them is by transforming.
I’m consider very lucky to join dharma without much obstacles. My immediate family and my really good friends (2 of them) supported me even they could not really understand but now they do. Sometimes, when obstacles do hit, I always remember what Rinpoche had to go through and that helps a lot.
I guess your parents didn’t realize it would have been cheaper to support your dharma work than to send it to University and buy you a car! Everything happens for a reason I guess and the hardship you had to endure just made you stronger. Peace be with you (heheheh I sound like a Catholic priest).
PS I love that mandala and it looks like it would hold well. I wish my mandala would hold the same way instead of falling to the side all the time hehe.
Dear Rinpoche,
People outside Kechara often see us as a cult: living and doing work our own way, we are sort of like outcast..Even in the beginning of joining Kechara, i do think the same way too. Like what Rinpoche have said earlier, if this so called “cult” doesn’t harm anybody or creating troubles to others, but doing something that is beneficial and spreading Dharma tirelessly instead, so why are we worrying about? In fact we should rejoice because we are doing something meaningful and sincerely from our heart.
Now, I’m actually proud of being part of this “cult” as this is the place where you can get your happiness by doing work that can benefit others and myself. When you do not want to be looked down or lose face, by chanting Om Shut Up Hung Phet is not enough, transform yourself to be a better person is the key to shut them up.
If this is a “cult”, i would say i am proud to be part of this “Cult”, because of Kechara i learn alot about Dharma, Merit, Karma, Puja, all the departments and Rinpoche. Kechara had thought me to be compassionate, giving, letting go of attachment, and tremendously change my attitude and behavior to become a less angry person, less egoistic and become less self-centered and self-cherish;
yet the result i have gained from this, I’ve become a more positive person, more open on accepting others criticism, and become more compassionate towards the suffering of others around me, though im still not perfect, but i know if i continue to contribute myself and volunteer in this “cult”, i will become better by the day, and able to serve others by helping others who is in suffering. My mother at first objected and want me to stay away from this “cult”, because she saw Setrap wrathful form, and also that i always go to Kechara, but ever since she saw my change, she now accepted, and even agreed to take vegetarian vow. i think this is the best gift i have ever given to her.
Even i learn to accept whatever that happen to me for the past few month from the time i joined Kechara until now is my Karma and also my merits. from the painful fall i face in the past few month, till the days i started to get up and accepting the fact that is my karma from the past i had done, i coma to understand what ever happened, it happened for a reason, all the obstacle i face is an experience to prepare myself for something even bigger and better in coming days.
Dear Rinpoche, your journey from the day you were born until now, has given me and many others a ray of hope to transform ourself and better in accepting what happen to us, and able to help others. and i am proud to be in this “cult”, where we all work together to benefit others and bring happiness to all which truly is invaluable.
Hi, just saw this post now as I go through Rinpoche’s blog… I remember my parents also opposing of my Dharma practice. When I asked for their permission to go for refuge (for the nth time) they would always remind me not to give my 100% on this “cult”. I felt very sad that they had a very bad impression regarding Vajrayana Buddhism and Buddhism in general. (Not to mention my numerous requests to allow me be a monk!) I took refuge with an aunt beside me “checking” and making sure that the cult leaders (lama) do not brain wash me! hehe… I’m just happy that my parents have started to lessen their bad impression on Buddhism. They do not refer to it as “cult” now and say that as long as the Dharma doesn’t teach “bad” practices and as long as I don’t get ordained, then they are okay with my practice…
Rinpoche’s determination is legendary and no matter what difficulties or obstacles he encounters he goes into the problem looking for solutions and he will keep on working at it to find a way through. The way that Rinpoche’s never giving up is a manifestation of his compassion as it is not compassionate to give up just like that when we face a problem or otherwise.
Dear Rinpoche,
Thank you for sharing your story with us. Most of us would have the same difficulty as Rinpoche when deciding to pursue in learning Dharma or working for Dharma.
What Rinpoche has experienced and what Rinpoche has achieved today is a assurance to us that learning and working for Dharma can never be wrong. Do not be afraid of the difficulties and obstacles we face along the way. Be strong and firm, do not give up.
I do not have full support from my family to work for Dharma, but i will do what Rinpoche has advised, to transform myself to convince my family Dharma is the right thing to do. I will dedicate the merits to my family, not only for their current lives but also future lives.
Thank you Rinpoche and happy new year.
无日无夜地拼命赚钱，加入的是“拜金俱乐部”。无法自拔地购物发泄，加入的是“天生购物狂俱乐部”。无法自拔地爱一个人依赖一个人，加入的是“爱不回头俱乐部”。能把这样无法自拔的打不倒精神用在积极向上的目标上，其实投资回酬绝对高，还利生利。庆幸自己加入了的不是这几个俱乐部，找到了我的归宿……