I LIKE THIS PICTURE OF MY MOTHER
My mother once took me from my adopted family in New Jersey to her home in Philadelphia with her two sons and husband.
I knew at that time she was connected to me but I didn’t exactly know how.
I was like 12 or something. But she had a lovely home, she took me to the aquarium, and to a kungfu store and she bought me nunchuks ( i wanted it) cause I saw a Bruce Lee movie and thought it was cool. Hehe
That beautiful weekend we spent together, we talked alot. She told me i resembled my grandmother (her mom, the Queen) and I thought that was such a great compliment because I loved my grandmother and to be like her was great. To me, she was love incarnate.
I found out later, my mom’s husband wanted to adopt me as his son and live with them and be with my half brothers. I was like wow. I thought how generous of this man. How abolutely generous. That is Telo Rinpoche’s maternal uncle.
But mom didn’t agree. I don’t know why exactly. I wish she did agree. It was years later when I was around 24 I found out absolutely beyond a doubt that this beautiful Princess is my mother. I felt proud and wanted to connect with her so much. But my mom didn’t accept the connection because alot of painful memories about my father when she sees me. I don’t blame her, but I wish one day we can reconnect…every son would like to serve their mom, and I am no different.
Tsem Tulku
Thank you Rinpoche.
Thank you Rinpoche
I wish your wish comes true !
really touching…i hope and pray that all your wishes come true..really soon
I haven’t spoken or communicated with my mother in anyway for at least going on 18 years now.
I don’t know where she lives. I know she is in the United States though.
I’ve consulted divination many times to hope to meet her, but the divinations have come out negative.
I don’t have the good merits to meet my own mother.
Tsem Tulku
It saddens me tremendously to read about my Guru’s unfulfilled wish.
On the other hand I can understand his mother’s attempt to block out an unhappy part of her memory…
I choose to believe that Rinpoche’s unhappy childhood is his way of absorbing the pain and sufferings of others and an example to us that one can still grow despite the circumstancial limitations.
Part II :
Instead of focusing on his own unhappy childhood, Rinpoche became a monk with the motivation to transform his adverse conditions into the path to happiness.
He came to Malaysia and founded a dharma centre, Kechara House.
On 15 December 2000 KH was officially registered as Kechara House Buddhist Association.
This December KH will celebrate its 10th Anniversary led by its President Datuk May Phng.
Visit http://www.kechara.com/kechara-house/ to find out more.
Yoke Fui, I agree. Our guru’s childhood is filled with experiences pain, sadness, abuse, loneliness, abandonment, foster families, etc. So much for a young child to go through.
People have asked me why a tulku would choose to reincarnate in such situations. I believe that by Rinpoche doing so, not only is he absorbing the pain and sufferings of others like you said, but also Rinpoche’s many varied experiences enable him to connect with many other people in today’s modern world.
No where else would you be able to find a Tibetan high reincarnated lama who has experienced homelessness and starvation on the streets of LA, physical, mental and emotional abuse by his foster family in New Jersey, or abandonment by his birth parents in Taiwan.
Even the secular experiences such as going out to party in the LA clubs, working in a Fotomat booth or being friends with prostitutes on Rodeo Drive give Rinpoche a unique edge. And that is the ability to connect with us samsaric lay people in a manner that we understand. And hence Rinpoche is able to bring the Dharma to us so much more effectively, in our own language.
Do read more of Rinpoche’s incredible biography here
http://www.kechara.com/rinpoche/biography/
“every son would like to serve their mom, and I am no different.” – it reminds me of what Rinpoche always says about serving our parents and that the best way to do that would be through the dharma…and you can’t get more dharma than a monk
I do find it a little ironic how Rinpoche’s mother rejected him, because he is probably the greatest thing she has ever done in her life and yet she wants nothing to do with him (or can’t have anything to do with him…) I mean, how many mothers can say they have given birth to a tulku…? Or even if you don’t believe in reincarnation, how many mothers can say they’ve given birth to a person who has given their life in service of others?
I really am grateful for the way Rinpoche turns his painful experiences into a reason to benefit others. Like Beng and YF have said, he is someone who walks the talk. The other lamas are very highly attained and I have no doubt of their qualities at all, but I sometimes find their experiences difficult to relate to (that’s due to my own wrong view, and not a fault of theirs).
“ … every son would like to serve their mom, and I am no different.”
How absolutely beautiful. If you come from the old school of thoughts, every parent would want their child to be able to serve them.
Rinpoche did not allow his unhappy childhood to mar his aspirations to serve the dharma. He has single-handedly built Kechara into what it is today – we used to be “gypsies and nomads”, traveling from one location to another, initially gathering in the house of one of Rinpoche’s students. Look where we are now – all through the kindness and vision of our Lama. And we are not stopping here!
Rinpoche’s mum has her reservation and view of Rinpoche due to her bad experience with Rinpoche’s dad, Lobsang Gyatso who had cheated her. Rinpoche’s mum was greatly hurt and wanted to block out this memory of hers including distancing herself from baby Rinpoche. Once she even wrote to Rinpoche she would proceed with legal proceedings on Rinpoche if he ever trys to contact her and calls her mum, and the most recent attempt with getting information of her and her family ended up her writing to Rinpoche that if he continues to pursue to unravel the history and her whereabouts she would commit suicide. I find this strange but again it clearly indicates she has not let go and had not forgiven Rinpoche’s dad.
“every son would like to serve their mom, and I am no different”. I can feel Rinpoche’s sadness for not being able to fulfill this wish. Knowing that one’s mother is alive and well yet unable to connect with her is extremely painful. I really wish one day Rinpoche’s mother will be able to let go of the past and forgive his father. I believe she loves Rinpoche. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have brought him home to her house to meet her sons and her husband. However, the pain and embarrassment she had to go thru as a royal princess who had an illegitimate child had scarred her for life. I can understand why she is reacting the way she is but I hope she will come to terms with it eventually and heal. I really wish for that because it would give her peace and make Rinpoche so happy. Whatever the past may be, her son has turn out to be someone extremely beneficial. What more can a mother ask for?
To serve the people we love is something many of us dream to do and would like to do, especially in serving our mother. Although Rinpoche’s life is stained with so many painful memories, he still rises from the agony and misery without a drop of anger and negativity. In fact, Rinpoche does not allow the pain and suffering to mould him into an ugly person or a person who just hangs onto the pain and nothing else, and gradually, that person becomes pain itself. No, Rinpoche is nothing like that at all. This is what they mean when they say in Buddhism, a lotus rises from the muddy waters and yet it remains untainted by the mud. More than anything else, Rinpoche’s kindness, compassion and love for humanity shines through – despite of all that has happened to him. Rinpoche is a walking and breathing testament that COMPASSION DOES CONQUER ALL. This is the very individual who built Kechara and so many lives have changed due to his immense loving kindness. Rinpoche is, without a doubt, a great Lama and Teacher of our time.
Obviously Rinpoche’s mom had not forgiven Rinpoche’s father and could not let go of this anger of being cheated. That is why Rinpoche’s mom would not want to meet up with Rinpoche and sometimes it is very hard for a woman to forget what they had went through and I feel very sad for Rinpoche too for not being able to communicate with her for such a long time now.
I feel very sorry for Rinpoche’s mother too for not able to let go and just reunited with Rinpoche because I believe there is no mother in this world would like to ignore their child. To add to it, Rinpoche had done nothing wrong to deserve this snub. With much respect, it was the father’s mistake and the son have to suffer too.
I believe Rinpoche will be able to meet up with her again. I pray for this to happen.
Reading this post bring tear to my eyes. I am dumb struck that a being as compassionate, giving, pure and completely-devoted-to-others as Tsem Rinpoche did not receive his mother’s love and acceptance. Furthermore, after having no contact with Rinpoche’s mother for 18 years, Rinpoche still awaits the opportunity to serve his mother.
This puts me to shame!!!!!! The care and love Rinpoche gives everybody is already so much greater than that I give my mother, who has given me more than any child could ask for. I can only fathom the love Rinpoche would bestow upon his mother should Rinpoche have the opportunity!
This posting is greatly humbling and is a powerful reminder for children everywhere to cherish their parents.
I cannot imagine not having love from my mother, its unfathomable for me. Here you have Rinpoche whose mother abandoned him on purpose and she does not want to acknowledge him at all. Not sure how to reconcile feelings of abandonment such as this as I was never abandoned. For us that had better lives than Rinpoche we must work to benefit others also as Rinpoche had a difficult life , but yet he can do so much now. We should not have any more excuses.
His mum is so beautiful in this picture, though she reminds me that sometimes when we have tremendous obscurations we will just do very negative things or things that make no sense whatsoever. Having obscurations is like a persons having a film or sheet that blocks clear perception, she reminds me of that.
I cannot imagine why some lucky ones who had their parents with them choose to defy their parents and hurt them in one way or another.
Rinpoche on the other hand had never received Rinpoche’s birth mother’s love openly. Deep down inside I felt Rinpoche’s mother loved Rinpoche, if not, she would not have visited Rinpoche though under the ‘disguise’ of an aunt from time to time and ask her good friend Kwan Mama and family to watch out for Rinpoche. She had also brought Rinpoche to stay with her husband and 2 sons.
However, when Rinpoche found out that the ‘aunt’ turned out to be Rinpoche’s birth mother, she shut Rinpoche out! I really wonder how a mother could ever do this to her child.
Looking from Rinpoche’s mother point of view, born of a royal family background and in that era of time, it is very humiliating for a royal princess to be ‘connected’ to a married man and bear a child out of wedlock. The amount of pressure and stress created from this union had caused a lot of pain and heart ache for Rinpoche’s mother. Something that she can’t let go of! How sad.
Being an enlightened bodhisattva as Rinpoche is, Rinpoche forgave Rinpoche’s mother and still hope that one day, Rinpoche can reunite with her and bring her along for pilgrimages and show her all the holy places. This is the love of a son for His mother! Beautiful!
It is a very touching post and I think for most people who do have a mother, we take for granted the great fortune and kindness of having a mother who cares for us. I do that sometimes and I do get mad at my own mother for small petty reasons and reading Rinpoche’s blog reminds me of how fortunate I am to have a healthy and loving mother and father.
What’s amazing about Rinpoche is that he would use his pain and his sorrow from not having a mother and turn it around to foster closer relationships amongst his friends and students. He is always teaches about it using the angle of Buddhism and in private. He is always concerned that his students always take care of their parents, take them out, show love, concern and most importantly to forgive them. I find that such a rare quality and most amazing because other’s having gone through that neglect, end up being angry or somehow psychologically scarred.
Does Rinpoche still have the nunchucks? I like the picture too. It brings out a chinese look in her. I hope that Rinpoche will get a chance to get in touch with his mother. I liked this paragraph:
“I found out later, my mom’s husband wanted to adopt me as his son and live with them and be with my half brothers. I was like wow. I thought how generous of this man. How abolutely generous. That is Telo Rinpoche’s maternal uncle.”
Because to me it seems like if he managed to get together with Rinpoche’s mother’s husband. He could have been able to touch Dharma earlier. The good thing is that he can now teach Dharma in Kechara House in Malaysia because I would not know whether what is happening now in Kechara will be altered if Rinpoche’s mother said yes.
I am at a loss as to why a highly enlightened Lama would choose to decide to “return” and experience such a painful experience.
It is such a wonderful piece of writing and sharing by Tsem Tulku that even as i feel his pain, i cannot help but also feel his continuing love for his mother and a hope that one day they will reconnect.
I am reminded of Rinpoche’s talk last night, never to “individualise” a problem and NEVER NEVER to give up.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing such painful emotions and YET continue to pray that other peoples’ sufferings go to you so that you absorb their pain in their stead.
I agreed with you David.
I find that amazing about Rinpoche. He had such a painful childhood whereby his real parents abandoned him. His adopted parents abused him.
Nevertheless, Rinpoche has turned all these “painful” experiences around and diverted his energy to bring many of us closer to our parents which he did not experience himself. Through Rinpoche’s teachings, Rinpoche actually taught us how to love CORRECTLY towards our parents and ALSO the people we love.
All of us have bad imprints in our growing years, most of us used that to mould us to be bitter, angry and etc. Rinpoche is a REAL example of how we can turn bad imprints to be positive imprints AND not drag ourselves and others down further.
It is painful for me to even just read Rinpoche’s account of his meeting with his maternal mother.I feel tearful not because of the separation of mother and son but for Rinpoche’s unfulfilled wishes and needs at an age when it matters most.Yet he did not let the events drag him down but remain hopeful forgiving and positive.
I can’t help thinking how fortunate that I did not have to experience what Rinpoche had to go through at such an important time period in his life as a teen who have maturing emotions, sensitivities and intelligence.
Then again, Rinpoche is no ordinary being. It is said that incarnates prayed in their past lives to take on sufferings. The epitome of that is Quan Yin’s prayer to be reborn in hell to help the beings there.
As I read this blog, my eyes welled up in tears. For several reasons. I feel the pain that young Rinpoche had to endure; not knowing who he is, being rejected by his natural family, moving from taiwan to an alien land (America), etc. The feelings of insecurity any child experiences. Then i think of how compassionate Rinpoche is. Tulku, one who can control ones rebirth and incarnates again and again with full control. So why then did Tsem Tulku Rinpoche choose to incarnate in that situation? Definitely not due to bad karma! Then it can only be that it is out of compassion; as an example that despite how one’s childhood has been, one can still turn it around and make good one’s life like a lotus blossoming out from murky water. Who among us has ever prayed to be in a situation like that; to endure the harshness, abandonment and pain for others?
I have heard Rinpoche talk about family harmonious and care for our loves one. Going through Rinpoche biography really amaze me that actually Rinpoche had a painful childhood experience but this doesn’t make Rinpoche an unhappy or turn to be an angry person instead Rinpoche turned it to an energy to make people closer (quoted from Su Ming post). I personally have not stayed with my father since about 6 or 7 years old and my mom when I was 15 years old. The feeling of wanting to see them, meet them, share my feeling with them and to be pampered always there. I roughly can understand Rinpoche feeling but I’m not comparing myself with Rinpoche. I admire the strength that Rinpoche turn it over. Rinpoche advices on learning and practicing dharma is one of the best way that we can benefit our parents. For whatever reasons my parents chosen (not to stay together) I will accept it and will follow Rinpoche example to turn it over and share with other people how to love their loves one correctly.
Here I would also like to thank Su Ming for teaching me how to show loves to my family member even though they are staying for far apart. She is sharing and putting Rinpoche’s advice in to practice to benefit more people. I’m one of the many benefited.
Thank you so much again.
I really like to read about Rinpoche’s history. I guess this gives me a chance to know Rinpoche in person. Despite not having much love from His mother, Rinpoche didn’t continue his life full of bitterness. Instead, he moves on, practice Dharma and show us what it is all about compassionate.
I now have the good karma of living together with my parents, and have the good karma that my wife is having a good relationship with my parents. While writing this comment, my mum is talking to me, and I usually get annoyed by her repeating the same things over and over, but now I learnt to be patient
Thank you Rinpoche!
I think every Child loves their Mother unless their Mother was very unkind, but even then every child would want a lovely Mother. I too have had my share of bad experience with my Mother after she became unwell. But the biggest lesson I learnt from Rinpoche is that everything is created by yourself, that it is your / my karma to be born in that situation and never to Blame anyone. I will never forget that advice Rinpoche gave me, and because of that, my perspective started to change and I started to accept and heal. If there is one thing I learnt from Rinpoche’s experience is that we need to FORGIVE even if we cannot Forget the Pain. This has given me strength to look back at all the positive things that I experienced and the words of wisdom she gave me when I was young. I dedicate everyday that I am doing Dharma work to her. I hope she will have a good future life for she did not die in peace but in depression. Thank you Rinpoche for your sharing.
“every son would like to serve their mom, and I am no different”. It is everyone’s wish to be able to serve their parents and I can feel Rinpoche’s sadness for not being able to serve his mother. The pain and suffering that young Rinpoche had to go through did not stop him from wanting to help and benefit others and he had singlehandedly done so much for our Organization and to bring us where we are now.
I feel so sorry for Rinpoche’s mother for not being able to let go of her past experience after so long. I hope one day she will let go and get connected with Rinpoche.
I wish the air around everyone who was ever abandoned, rejected and abused, would transform into love, caress every atom of your beeing and make all sufferings melt.
Dear Mother,
Where are you? Can’t you remember we were so connected before for nine months until you brought me to this world? Hope to have a chance to get to know you better…
Being a mother myself it would have been very heart breaking for Rinpoche’s mother to do what she had to do with Rinpoche. I do not think it is anythin g to do with Rinpoche that she was hurt. But with Rinpoche’s father who has cheated on her. She does not want Rinpoche’s presence in her life that will repeatedly remind her of the episode that has happened in her life with Rinpoche’s father. Even when Rinpoche’s mother’s mongolian husband wanted to adopt Rinpoche she refused. I can see Tsem Rinpoche is still thinking a bout his mother whom he cannot even call. So for those who do not have time to think about their mother. Read Rinpoche’s blog and think how lucky you are to have a mother whom can call MOM. I wish Rinpoche will have his wishes come true.
“every son would like to serve their mom, and I am no different.” this particular statement has a lot of meaning…..wish every sons of every family…….have such wishes and dreams……..it is lovely la Your holiness……….my only wish for Rinpoche to see this dream come true…one day..la…….
Rinpoche went through a much more painful experience than most of us, but Rinpoche is a much more loving person, a person who willing to sacrifice Himself for the others.
Im asking myself, with all the so-called pain i went through, how much and how long im going to blame the people who gave me pain in the past?
Let go, let go, just let go.