MY FATHER
My father is Lobsang Gyatso and a Tibetan. He met my mom in Taiwan. My father had another family with children when he met my mom. He didn’t tell her. She didn’t know till it was too late as she was pregnant with me.
I was told my dad was very handsome. And My mom being tall, statuesque, royal, very mannered was the attraction of many men of that time. They met and my mom told me she had many religious dreams while I was in her womb for nine months. She told me herself.
My mom and dad never lived together and never spoke again after she became pregnant.
My father stayed with his family in Taiwan with his three children with his wife. My mom immigrated to the US, married a Mongolian Man and had two sons.
This Mongolian Man’s sister had a wonderful son, who name is Telo Tulku Rinpoche of Kalmykia. We consider ourselves cousins in that way. Telo Rinpoche is a tulku of Drepung Gomang and I am from Gaden Shartse. The two monasteries are near eachother so we I visited him often in Drepung and had good times back in India.
But I have two half brothers in the US, but haven’t any contact with them. I hope to one day meet them again. I had met them when they were very young and none of us knew we were brothers at that time.
Tsem Tulku
Rinpoche’s father used to work very closely with the Dalai Lama and also had a good relationship with the Panchen Lama too.
Although Rinpoche is estranged from his mother, who refuses to have any contact with him or his students, Rinpoche’s father is a different case altogether.
I actually had the chance to meet Rinpoche’s father when he and his wife visited Kathmandu in early 2009. It was an honour to show the father my Guru around the Ladrang, to serve him tea, and to invite him to join us in the daily butterlamp offerings and prayers.
You can read more about the visit here: http://kechara.com/?p=671
Rinpoche, thank you for sharing such private matters with us. You are truly without ego – many people, especially from the Asian culture, would not disclose such things because they feel it would lower their mystique, put them and their families to shame…but you use your life always to benefit others, and turn your painful experiences into a reason for you to create projects that save others from the same kind of pain and suffering. Kechara Saraswati Arts ( http://www.kechara.com/arts ) always reminds me of when you told us you’d draw pictures of Buddhas, or Xerox them from books you found in the library during your unhappy childhood. Kechara Soup Kitchen ( http://www.kechara.com/ksk ) came about because you went hungry as a teenager when you ran away from home. Kechara Discovery’s pendants ( http://www.kechara.com/b2b ) relate to the way you would draw Buddha pendants for your cousins and friends to wear.
Thank you Rinpoche, for showing us that from pain, beautiful things can arise and we don’t have to be a prisoner of our past experiences.
Rinpoche never hated His father, Lobsang Gyatso despite all the hardship that Rinpoche suffered later in the years. I remembered in one of the talks, Rinpoche told us that Rinpoche met Lobsang Gyatso for the first time in Nepal through another Rinpoche who arranged it without both of them knowing. Both of them cried and hugged each other when they were told that they were father and son. Rinpoche told us that Lobsang Gyatso could not stop crying and repeatedly asked Rinpoche to forgive him. It is a touching story for me. Many who went through the same would not have forgiven it so easily like Rinpoche.
We heard about Rinpoche’s father’s visit to Tsem Ladrang, Kathmandu when Beng Kooi was there – she told us that he was very alert and interested in all that Rinpoche had accomplished. He was very happy to be there and in one of the photos, he stood very close to Beng Kooi and put his arm around her, as if in great support of her and all that she is doing for Rinpoche. He even did prostrations to Rinpoche, his son’s, throne in the main audience room – which indicates that he is proud and happy of his son.
They have not maintained much contact over the years, but Rinpoche’s father does have strong respect for the Dharma and the teachings. It was his father who sponsored the first floor of Tsem Ladrang in Gaden Monastery, following Rinpoche’s enthronement – this would be Rinpoche’s first real home of his own, his whole life.
In his own way, Rinpoche’s father did also support Dharma a lot and was one of the main sponsors of his own Guru. This is fortunate, the last but rather strong link to connect Rinpoche with his father.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing what we know must never be easy for Rinpoche. It inspires much faith in Rinpoche for all your unceasing compassion and tenacity that you have shown throughout your life, despite the pain.
In Rinpoche’s sharing of the story of his father, we can see how clearly one’s actions would have lasting consequences or effects. Hence, cause and effect. Though we may not realise how much damage or good our actions would be at the time we commit them, the results would always come back to haunt us or to remind us of what we did. In Rinpoche’s case, it is very clear that Rinpoche is unlike an average person who may be embroiled in one’s saddened state or negative emotions. Instead, Rinpoche became someone solely dedicated to bringing happiness and benefit to others – to the point that Rinpoche would not hesitate to share his personal painful stories so that others may learn from them. Rinpoche is truly selfless in every sense of the word.
To be able to forgive one’s wrong doing and talk about it, no matter how big the problem was truly earns great respect in return. Letting go our ego, pride and ignorance is one way to practice true compassion and love for nothing in return. Through Rinpoche’s love and guidance in teachings has made me come to realize that we can let go, just as how Rinpoche let go of the pain and move on. I have learnt to let go problems and pain that I have kept for some time. Rinpoche is telling all of us that it is easy to let go. Instead of sulking and having self pity, we can channel the pain and hatred into love, such as helping other people who needs it, benefiting and bringing Dharma to people who needs it and let them know the TRUE HAPPINESS they deserve.
Dear Rinpoche,
In echo of previous comments, you are completely without ego, and – like all great teachers – you don’t just teach by preaching, but rather you live by exactly every value you try to instil in your students.
The message that keeps coming through to me, personally, is “let go already!” So many times, we can hold on to past experiences and confusing, hurtful times as some sort of badge of honour to say that the world misunderstands us, and poor me, why do I have to endure all of this suffering. The reason our suffering feels so heavy is because we hold onto that heaviness so tightly. I know anytime I’m at the gym, the weights are heavy…until I let them go, then my arms feel very light and relaxed. Similarly, so it is with the mind: our pain is only heavy for as long as we choose to hold on to it.
For your endless compassion and energetic spirit, I thank you, Rinpoche.
Kindest regards,
Sandy
Rinpoche really has no ego by sharing all these family history and stories with everyone, be it good or bad. Many people, especially Asians, would have secretly swept them under the carpet!
I remember Rinpoche said Rinpoche was in ‘shock’ when Rinpoche was first introduced to Rinpoche’s birth father and as if ‘frozen in time’, was unable to move forward. When Rinpoche walked forward to him, he just stood there with tears streaming down his cheeks!
In a way, I felt Rinpoche’s father redeemed himself, partially if not fully, when he sponsored Rinpoche’s enthronement ceremony and also building a house for Rinpoche in the monastery.
When Rinpoche’s father visited Kathmandu Ladrang last year, he even prostrated to Rinpoche, his son’s throne! This is stripping off his humility! Rinpoche said that he has ‘mellowed down’ very much compared to his earlier days where he will give a lot of ‘advice’ to Rinpoche.
By leading with example, Rinpoche had affected people around Rinpoche as well as Rinpoche’s father!
Thank you Justin for sharing.
We are human, we tend to make mistake sometimes, but most important is we learn from our mistake and improve. There is such word in Chinese ‘even saint do make mistake’. But this is a reason for us to continuously repeat our mistake; we must learn from our mistake and move on, every mistake is a chance for us to improve or to transform. Never get tight down by the mistake we’ve done.
Therefore, if someone made mistake, they realized and try to repair or seek for forgiveness, we should not hold on to it, as it will make us suffer more, so what’s the point?
Rinpoche has shown us great example by forgiving his father, even though his father created so much suffering to him, but he did not hold on to it, learn to forgive is a criteria for us to gain happiness.
I think it is great that I could learn more about your father. His picture lets me know that he is very handsome. Now I know where Rinpoche gets his glorious looks from. I hope that one day, Rinpoche will get a chance to meet his half brothers and hopefully bring them into the Dharma. I like this paragraph the most:
“This Mongolian Man’s sister had a wonderful son, who name is Telo Tulku Rinpoche of Kalmykia. We consider ourselves cousins in that way. Telo Rinpoche is a tulku of Drepung Gomang and I am from Gaden Shartse. The two monasteries are near eachother so we I visited him often in Drepung and had good times back in India.”
I lets me feel that people who are from the same family can become good friends no matter how distant. As sometimes I hear that cousins don’t usually get along, but they do.
There is a background to how Rinpoche reestablished connection with his father. I heard this story not too long ago and I hope I got the details right. Rinpoche when he first enter Gaden Monastery, he was in need of sponsorship for his food as he was literally starving. So he took his chance and wrote to a very famous wealthy high Lama by the name of Sogphu Rinpoche or Guru Deva Rinpoche. Not long later, he received a telegram instructing him to go to Nepal to meet him.
Rinpoche, who was without money wondered what should he do. So he told his Guru,(at that time, his Guru was the current abbot of Gaden Monastery, Khen Rinpoche Jampa Yeshe), who subsequently did a divination. The divination result was favourable for Rinpoche to go and so lend him money to go. Rinpoche made his arrangements and left for Nepal.
In Nepal, he arrived at Sogphu Ladrang and had audience with Sogphu Rinpoche. At the ladrang, Rinpoche found out that a sponsor of Taiwan is arriving shortly. He was later introduced to this sponsor and they had a many days of conversation where Rinpoche was invited to dine with the sponsor. The sponsor unusually would ask a lot of questions about his background.
During one audience with Sogphu Rinpoche, Tsem Rinpoche having so much faith that he was in the presence of a high Lama, made prostrations and performed his devotions. The Taiwanese sponsor was in the room at that time and Sogphu Rinpoche began a conversation and then he asked Tsem Rinpoche about his father and what would he want to do with his father if he ever met him again. At that time, Rinpoche knew nothing about his father.
Rinpoche answered that he would very much like to take care of his father and would take him to holy places like Bodhgaya and serve his father. Hearing this, the sponsor was holding back tears as he was smoking and then Sophu Rinpoche made the announcement that his sponsor was Rinpoche’s father. This shocked Rinpoche but he still gave his father a hug.
His father would eventually sponsor the building of Tsem Ladrang in Gaden moanstery and Tsem Rinpoche’s enthronement when he was officially recognised by the monastery. However, at the behest of his father’s root Guru’s changtzo (assistant), Rinpoche decided not to request for any more sponsorship from his father anymore so as it would not disrupt his father’s own sponsorship to his own Guru, Trungsar Rinpoche.
There are of course more details to this story but I always found it heartwrenching because it reveals Rinpoche’s own inner qualities.
Thank you David for sharing more details on Rinpoche’s father. When I read your comment my heart aches just imagining how Rinpoche must have felt when he was growing up without parental love. Yet, Rinpoche harbors neither ill feelings nor anger. Given any other person, me for example, I would probably freak out and throw a major fit if I ever met my parents who abandoned me… No wonder I have so much more merits to gain before I even come close to smelling Bodhicitta.
The part when Sogphu Rinpoche introduced them to each other was so touching. I can visualize the moment with Rinpoche’s father in tears and Rinpoche probably delighted, not even thinking or asking why he was abandoned. The father must have been filled with remorse and guilt the entire time, as he knew Rinpoche was his son before Rinpoche knew he was his father.
I rejoice that the father sponsored Rinpoche’s first Ladrang after Rinpoche’s enthronement. It gave him a way to “redeem” himself for his own conscience, and not to beg Rinpoche’s forgiveness, as Rinpoche did not hate him. It also allowed him to collect merits to sponsor a Great Lama.
Elena, I agree with you that Rinpoche uses all his negative past experiences to create the best benefit for other. Unlike some who operate from bitterness and use their influence and authority to inflict difficulties upon other, Rinpoche maintains his pure compassion and use himself to heal others.
Although Rinpoche has experienced much ugliness in his life, he never fails to have faith and trust in the goodness of all beings.
In disclosing Rinpoche’s history and taking on the risk of judgement, Rinpoche becomes vulnerable in hope that his story will give us learning, realization and growth. For most of us, Rinpoche’s story should remind us of how fortunate we are and prompt us to not waste our precious human life and make the choice to be in contribution to others.
Rinpoche is like a phoenix that rises from his ashes. As we know, beings as resilient as the phoenix are rare…in fact, almost next to extinction. Therefore, this is also a reminder for us to cherish our kind Guru and trust him so that we will always be close to the Buddha and Dharma. Isn’t it shamefully astonishing that whatever we do in relation to our beloved Tsem Rinpoche, it is always us who benefit in the end?
Rinpoche’s father, Lobsang Gyatso, has 3 children, 2 sons and a daughter before he met Rinpoche’s mother, Princess Dewa Nimbo. His eldest son has passed away and his second son Lobsang Puntsok lives in Taipei. Lobsang Gyatso’s daughter Sonam disappeared for the fear of her father’s wrath after she squandered her father’s piece of valuable land in Kathmandu. Lobsang Gyatso has since taken a second wife, Dechen after his first wife had passed away. Dechen is a very sweet and pleasant lady from Tibet who is now looking after Rinpoche’s father. They travel frequently to Chengdu and Aba, Tibet where Lobsang Gyatso came from. In his homeland, Rinpoche’s father is a known philanthropist and has built a temple to dedicate to his deceased mother and first wife. Seng Piow, Khong Soo Har and I visited Rinpoche’s relative in Aba, Tibet in the year 2005.
Dear Elena and Li Kheng,your thoughts echoed mine too.A incarnate Lama’s mind is not ordinary . When we are faced with difficult circumstances we go into self pity and self destruction mode and then put blame on whole world. Rinpoche can transform adversities into positive actions which benefit others.All the 13 depts in one way or another were born from his lifes experiences.He endures suffering and set backs to become more compassionate, hence KSK manifested.He never leave out children in his dharma deeds and understand their needs because he did not have the normal happy childhood like many with their own mothers, hence our Kids Classes and KSA.Now he has asked Edu Dept to produce children’s books to start them on basic ethics.
I am so happy that members of his family like his father is with him in heart and spirit.
Wealth is not always beneficial and poverty is not always bad circumstances. It all depends on what people have made their lives out to be. In countries with Buddhist mass consciousness, if their children becomes a monk or ordained its a great honour and the family is very happy as it very beneficial for the family to have their children as monks.
However in ‘barbarian’ lands such as Malaysia it is heavily discouraged and that becoming a monk is like one is a loser, a failure in life. Its Barbaric because there is no mass consciousness of ideas and thoughts that can bring us to higher states of mind and happiness. Rinpoche is working to change that and it is already work in progress.
Reading about the great lineage masters you can tell these masters lived a life to benefit so many people. Can they really be depressed at the end of the day like a lay person who has squandered his precious human life with no spiritual practice or benefit at all.
I am happy that Rinpoche at least got reconciled with one of his blood parent. I rejoice that Rinpoche’s father supported Rinpoche during his time in Ganden, and that at the end of Rinpoche’s father’s life , he would at least know and be proud that at least one of his sons’s grew up to be supremely beneficial to countless beings. Isn’t that what we want as parents for our children.
Enlighten beings have control to opt for where they want to take rebirth, which family and circumstances, etc. They have the option to choose to become prince, an ordinary person or a pauper. It is not their karma to be what they choose to become but what they intend to teach us in that form to lead us away from our wayward ways ultimately towards liberation. Somehow, most Bodhisattvas choose to take rebirth in conditions which are rather challenging to the mind. Why? It’s an act of compassion to educate us (samsaric beings) in many ways by being the main example to forgive the wrongs that have been done to us, to be the first to seek forgiveness from others, etc. We need to realise that “pleasant or unpleasant” situations are the karma seeds ripening from our past deeds. We may have forgotten what we have done to and for others in the past but our karma had recorded every intended action being done and words being said. If we fear to take rebirth in adverse conditions, just avoid all forms of evil and be good and ready to help serve others. Watch our mind for it controls what we do and say. Still need help… go surf on any search engine and type “Tsem Tulku Rinpoche” and read what my Guru writes on his blog. Don’t have time to read then just go to You Tube and search for His Teachings. Just listen & simultaneously continue your work.
Rinpoche’s openness about so many things regarding Rinpoche’s life really does tell that Rinpoche doesnt have any ego and dosent hold on to anything except for Rinpoche’s vows. I find this kind of transparency and truthfulness hard to find as most people usually hold on to themselves tightly in order to ‘protect’ themselves against being backstabbed and all. And with posts like these, Rinpoche really showed me that there is nothing to be afraid of when we are honest to everyone, especially if our honesty benefits them and inspires them because it is a natural state of mind. And there is no reason or necessity to ‘hide the past’ and pretend that it never happened because we’re sucessful now.
which is why im somewhat more open about my heart and thoughts these days as opposed to the past where i’d usually hide or be sneaky about it….
Upon reading this entry, I was touched. Then I moved on to read Justin’s and David’s comments and I had goosebumps; goosebumps not because I was terrified, but the goosebumps arose because I felt my heart wrench and tears welled up. I cannot imagine the pain that Rinpoche went through as a child, and the difficult conditions of his childhood. And I am so in awe of how he has been able to let go of all his sufferings, not focus on himself and delve in self-pity but instead has used his experience to benefit mankind, to spread dharma to ease the sufferings of others for most of his life. Relating this story again would’ve been hard for Rinpoche to do, as for many other people, but he has been able to put his feelings aside, to use his story as a mean to teach and benefit us; for us to understand compassion, to learn dharma. From reading the comments, I feel that your father, Lobsang Gyatso, is truly proud of you. Thank you, Rinpoche, for having such a big heart, for constantly guiding and teaching us (through dharma & buddhism) how to lead a more fulfilling life.
Rinpoche’s father Lobsang Gyatso is a Tibetan and is very hadsome. In one of my visits to Ganden I brought my cousin David Tan and sister Elsie to visit Rinpoche. They saw a picture of Rinpoche’s father hanging on the wall in Rinpoche’s bedroom. And was surprised that David Tan and Rinpoche’s father like so much alike. We commented that David Tan may be connected to Tsem Rinpoche in past life. One day when I was assistant to Rinpoche in Malaysia. Rinpoche ask me to call his half brother Lobsang Gyatso for him in Taiwan. Rinpoche’s father and half brother has the same name. A man answered. I asked him whether he
is Lobsang Gyatso. He answered yes. I then handed the phone to Rinpoche. It turned out to be Rinpoche’s father who was very angry with Rinpoche for coming out of the Monastery when he should be studying in the Monastery which is what his father wanted him to do. But if he had not come to Malaysia to raise funds many people would not have met him. And there would not be Kechara.