My first flatmate in LA…
Yes this black and white picture was me taken by a friend of mine… I think I was around 17 here with a favorite t-shirt of The Doors on…
When I was around 17 I moved into a studio apt in Los Angeles shared with a flatmate. He was a very nice person, but addicted to substance. When he was on substances, he would be a different person. Someone I didn’t recognize. As time went on, his substance abuse became stronger and heavier… I felt so bad, I was a kid and didn’t know what to do for him… I would come home and he’d have the shades pulled down, laying in his bed, sweating and smelling and very under the influence. He would blast Fleetwood Mac’s Rumour album over and over again non-stop really loud… If I suggested to lower the volume he would be very unhappy. Or if I wanted to open the shade for light, he would protest vehemently.
Sharing an apt with him towards the end became unbearable for a young kid like me… he was around 26 that time. I come home to a dark apt with Fleetwood Mac playing super loud and roommate would be laying in his bed sweating. I really liked him when he was not on the substance and couldn’t understand how people become not themselves when addicted… it was new to me. I use to escape and just wander the LA streets.
Finally he moved back to his parent’s house and I was alone… afraid to manage the rent, but in the end I did. I remember him as a warm, helpful, friendly, kind and generous person which he was…The substance abuse ruined this kind person at the time… I miss him and always wandered what happened to the first flatmate I ever had in LA. May he be well.
I didn’t like Fleetwood Mac at all during those days in the 80′s… but I love them now. I wanted to share this song with everyone. It brings back so much memories of LA both bitter and sweet, my apt, my kind flatmate… I dedicate this song to my flatmate… I hope one day our paths will cross and we will meet again… May you be well wherever you are…
Tsem Rinpoche
This was taken of me in Thubten Dhargye Ling dharma centre back in Los Angeles… Gee was I that young once?? hehe.
Anyways… enjoy the music below… it brings back lots of memories for me and maybe for some of you too…
I also dedicate this song for all the people who I don’t see anymore, who have left for one reason or another… you are not in my life now, but you are not forgotten and I always wish you well wherever you are… some of you even come back…
Fleetwood Mac – Dreams from 1977
LYRICS
Now here you go again
You say you want your freedom
Well, who am I to keep you down?
It’s only right that you should
Play the way you feel it
But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness
Like a heartbeat drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering
What you had
And what you lost…
And what you had…
And what you lost
(Oooooh)
Oh, thunder only happens when it’s raining
Players only love you when they’re playing
Say, women…they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean, you’ll know
You’ll know
Now here I go again, I see, the crystal visions
I keep my visions to myself
It’s only me
Who wants to wrap around your dreams and
Have you any dreams you’d like to sell?
Dreams of loneliness…
Like a heartbeat drives you mad…
In the stillness of remembering
What you had
And what you lost…
What you had…
Ooh, what you lost
Thunder only happens when it’s raining
Players only love you when they’re playing
Women, they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean, you’ll know
Oh, thunder only happens when it’s raining
Players only love you when they’re playing
Say women, they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean, you’ll know
You’ll know
You will know
Oh, oh, oh you’ll know
NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED in this video. This was uploaded for entertainment purposes ONLY. Property of Warner Music Group.
Dear Rinpoche. Thank you for the song of Fleetwood Mac. I quite like them. Nice music and lyrics. Wonder if he listens to Led Zeppelin than. Maybe being under the influence of substance could and listening to Fleetwood mac was his only expression of his emotions. I pray that he is well and you to be well. Emotions can be harmful to our body. Please be well my dear Guru.
I really love this song. the version i heard was the one sung by The Corrs which is more upbeat but retains the spirit of the original version. It brings back much memories as when i was younger, the only friends i had was flippant and would only act as my friend whenever they wanted something and became my enemy or a stranger the next day, and then friend again when they wanted something from me. This song consoled me and made me realize that people cannot be trusted to be stable. I distanced myself from people after that.
even now, some of my close friends are still flippant in their attitude and care towards me. which hurts me a lot as it digs on all the old wounds.
Reading Rinpoche’s dedication made me realize that relying on Rinpoche is the best choice i have ever made as Rinpoche will never hurt me intentionally or unintentionally in any way, unlike samsaric friends.
It is always interesting to read about Rinpoche’s childhood/teenage life. It always inspire me. Rinpoche comes from a difficult breakground whereby if most of us would have gone through, we would been broken, torn and bitter.
Sometimes, when I think how spoilt am I now, I realised is because I did not need to go through MUCH hardship in my life when I was young. The results of who we are now, I truly believe that it is related to our upbringing but if your mind is strong and fpcus like our Rinpoche here, we can turn the pain into determination to succeed.
Thank u Rinpoche for having in your prayers (in your previous life) to be born in condition so difficult as this and being very inspiring to many of us.
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing part of your life with us. At a young age Rinpoche would have to be independent and fend for yourself where as I am still living comfortably at home. And now Rinpoche is also going through hardship in training and teaching students like us.
Thank you also for the beautiful song.
i love the lyrics
“But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness
Like a heartbeat drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering
What you had
And what you lost…
And what you had…
And what you lost”
Thank you Rinpoche for sharing your story and this song with us.
This post has a few dimensions to it, all of which are wonderful. First, people came and go in our lives and after a while they fade into the deeper recesses of our memory but in Rinpoche’s case, Rinpoche doesn’t forget anyone and instead, are grateful to have met everyone regardless of how they treated him. Rinpoche looks for what is good in everyone and remembers them as that. Rinpoche speaks fondly of his first flatmate, and Mr. Kuan, his paternal father and everyone who has come into his life.
Second, we can never be reminded enough times of Rinpoche’s background and the obstacles he had to overcome to be the High Lama he is today. Rinpoche wasn’t given the golden child treatment and as a result he can identify and relate to all kinds of human issues and problems. I always felt that if anyone had a good reason to feel depressed it would have to be him, and instead he turned the harshness of life on its head, stepped on it, to sit on the throne of a Bodhissatva.
Third, the lyrics of the song are apt and meaningful. The first two stanzas are questions we have to ask ourselves if we have dharma and the love of a Guru in our grasp but we slipped up because we wanted to do things our way. Interestingly the members of the band were all going through some crisis while recording the album-”We had to go through this elaborate exercise of denial,” explains Buckingham to Blender Magazine, “keeping our personal feelings in one corner of the room while trying to be professional in the other.”
Finally, i really like how Rinpoche is not stuck on things he didn’t like in the past and found reasons to appreciate everything.
Fleetwood Mac…..ah!…lots and lots of good memories of my upper six form. Music was music those days. Today….I rest my case. Wonderful memory albeit fleeting. Reminded us that we were too handsome once. Today, we are just simply ……gorgeous at this age. Lol.
Rinpoche came for a very interesting era, it’s the 70′s – the end of hippie era and into 80′s where disco is borned and all other possibilities that created Madonna (still going strong). It was an era of soul finding, wasted youth, sex drugs and rock n roll. When the world come crashing with AIDS and disco, Rinpoche did not get distracted by none of these, in fact Rinpoche chose to pursue dharma at the hardest time. In a samsaric version, hardest time is equivalent to the FUN time for us people. It was a total freedom era, expressing yourself, rebel against the norm, the Warhol and the sex pistols!
Even thought they are still inspiration today. But how many have faded? How many remained a legend but dead. How many were appreciated while alive? And how many remained the best? Rinpoche indeed chooses the right path. Look at the how many people are inspired and still inspired by Rinpoche.
So many of my friends went unheard. A lot of time I wondered how are they now. Are they still the same or has reality bring them down? Or are they still chasing stars?
What beautiful music by the band. Though Rinpoche did not know what to do for his flatmate then, but now Rinpoche have gotten the training and methods to benefit beings of all walks of life and levels! Hence it shows Rinpoche really walks the talk.
there is music in everyones life that stops them in their tracks i love the wiggles still gives me goose bumps my 16 year olds favourite group fourteen years ago and for me it was Leo sayer, he lives in Sydney now , Train oh Train the journey ends and starts again
This blog trigger me to think of my roommates,i wonder where they are now and how are they? First time staying out from home i was about age 20. One room was shared by 4 persons. Then i moved out from hostel, to save money ,i had to squeeze into a room with another 5 persons. What is fun about having room mates was, we can see how they looked like when they are asleep. What is not so fun, i need to tolerate all kind of “habits” and “nonsense”, e.g: “dream talks”. Over the time, i hardly remember who they are. Especially the 5 peoples that i shared room with. I wonder why i can’t remember them.